.:EVIL KIRA VS ANGEL L:.

Cause of Death

25 August 2010

~No More Freedom Temporary!!!~

Gonna loss my freedom temporary...
Y?

1) Yr2 Sem1 gonna start on 30th Aug...
Exams will be in dec...
Near my b'day...
(dun really think/celebrate abt it...
Bad memories... Argh!~)

2) PCN RI exam will be on 1st Sept...

Hai...
Only left a few days to study...
But nw i hv no mood too study...

Play starcraf II...
1 mission and i felt bored...

1 thing to look fwd is that gonna hv a KTV session this fri nite...
Hope i k release some stress a bit...

Side note:
Emailing with a fellow colleague made me think...
"Am i really, who i think i am?
What do i really want?"
Labels: Degree, Personal, Random, thinking, Tired

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 8/25/2010 11:24:00 PM

09 August 2010
~THTH~

When i was young, i rmb reading a book.

It taught me the meaning of THTH.

Which means:
Too Hot Too Handle

Tat is happening to me.
I am really starting to dunno how to handle her when she is having a temper...
No matter wat i do or say it will always be wrong...

******
E.g.1
A situation happens,
Thus she suggest Method 1.
But i say i wanna to do Method 2.

Straight she will say i go against her, when the thing is done.

E.g.2
A situation happens,
Thus she suggest Method 1.
But i say i wanna to do Method 2.
Seeing her face black black...

I did Method 1 as she suggested...
Straight she will say i dun do what i said and end up using her method, when the thing is done.
******

and for today...

Send my mother to work abt 830am...
Meet my uncle after that since he had things to pass to her...
Since was morning...
Decided to take breakfast with him...

Uncle talk to her,
But she reply without any eye contact...

So i jus told him she is not feeling well...
Thus cutting short the chatting with him and walk to the car...

******
After breakfast with my uncle
I: Lets go hm, and let u sleep since ur still sick...

She: I dun wan to sleep!

I: Den where u wanna go?

She: Today national day, gt place to go meh?

I: ...

Once hm
She laid in bed, with blanket over her body and a small cloth over her head...
Seeing something amiss, i acted...

I: Wat's wrong?

She: Bored!

I: So u wanna go out? Where?

She: Today national day, gt place to go meh?

I: ...
******

I was at my wits end...
Not knowing wat to do...
Pondering a few hrs beside her...
While she sleeps...

I jus snap...
Showered and went out...
Leaving a note to her...

"I go out,
If u wan u wait,
If not go hm."

A few hrs ltr..
She called...

******
She: where are u?

I: Bugis Junction...

She: Y there? With who?

I: Walking ard... Alone...

She: Y u nv bring me?

I: U told me nowhere to go cos national day wat...

She: I was asking u!

& shortly hp went dead due to no batt...
******

After that went back hm,
bring her out for dinner....
It became a Q&A session...
Like "wat to eat?", "drinks?", "cant finish a nt?", "feeling better?" and etc...

Where i ask, she answer...
not more den 5 words...

And she rather look at a fly on the floor den have eye contact with me...
Even when i send her hm at the stairs on her floor...
Avoided eye contact again...

Any1...
Pls gv me ideas...
I really dunno wat to do...
Labels: 2010, Feelings, Kaylen, Personal, Pissed, thinking, Tired

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 8/09/2010 10:49:00 PM

30 June 2010
~Happy and Sad~

Its been bad and good this week...

Let me say the bad stuff first...

1) Registration fee for stand chart 10km was deducted twice from my bank...
2) 老婆 lost her wallet...
3) HP spoited...
4) SAF make up pay was not the correct amount(lower la)...
5) Car engine starting to feel crappy...

Now the good stuff...

1)Went to toy fair at taka.

2) Had jap lunch at taka which taste great.
Photo is fried pork fillet which "umey" filing...

3) Stand Chart credit me back the extra deducted fees.

4) SAF credit back me the correct make up pay.

5) GST rebate credited in bank
which offset the cost of buying new hp...

6) New HP - N97mini
even though it was kind of forced...

7) WDA RI cert mailing to me in progress...
Means can finally apply for PCN exam le...

8) Got my personal "degree" safety goggles & stamp...

9) Finally going to get my pay in a few days time...

10) Standby for reservist in july...
Finally clearing a high key...
Labels: Car, Feelings, FMC, Kaylen, NS, Personal

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 6/30/2010 11:07:00 PM

29 June 2010
~I hate being ignored~

Title says it all...
i rather die den be ignored...
No matter who it is...
gf, mother, frens, colleagues, classmates and etc...
It jus make me feel like u dun even gv a damn abt me...

Especially when expecting a reply, feedback, info and etc...
Labels: Feelings, Personal

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 6/29/2010 10:03:00 PM

25 February 2010
~tired~

Tired of work...
Work like hell...
Clear ppl's shit...

Tired of manager...
Do nth...
Jus react when complaint...

Tired of doing hmwk...
Till pass midnight...

Tired of nt enough sleep...
cos everyday waking up 545am...

Nw onli hope everything gets better...
Labels: Personal, thinking, Tired

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 2/25/2010 12:48:00 AM

07 January 2010
~Car Accident~

Location:
AYE toward Tuas B4 Jurong Town Hall Rd Exit

Motive:
Looking for car / owner of SGP515P who hit my car,
causing me to hit the car in front of me,
& sped off...

Pls take a photo of his car and contact me ASAP

Labels: 2010, Car, Personal, Pissed

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 1/07/2010 12:23:00 PM

29 December 2009
~Principle~

My basic principle in life

1.Always treat ppl the way u want them to treat you

Yet this has become my hardwired defense mechanism...

When ppl treat me like a clown,
i treat him like a clown...

When ppl act blur,
i act even more blur...

& etc...

2.Nv let work affect ur life and like wise

Wat happen at work is work

Wat happen at hm is hm

Nv bring one to the other...

The result will always be regretful...
But by tat time...
The damage is done...

For nw,
I only can say...

I dunno...
i should be angry or sad....
Labels: Feelings, Personal, thinking

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 12/29/2009 09:22:00 PM

04 September 2009
~Loving Couple~

Labels: Feelings, Funny, Kaylen, Personal

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 9/04/2009 11:55:00 PM

02 June 2009
~Stop Tormenting Urself...~

Been telling her...
Stop assuming...

If she k see the future...
Den i wun rant...

Putting stress on herself...
Based on thing she assumed...

Based on things she is afraid...

Based on things that will not happen...

There was a research report tat i read before...
Summarized up:

Things the we fear that will happen,
hv almost 70% probability of not happening at all.

There is 1 quote that i always use...
Which always push me to advance & nt immobilize myself

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

at the same time:

Living fearlessly is not the same thing as never being afraid. It's good to be afraid occasionally. Fear is a great teacher.

So stop worrying...
Hope others who read this post...
Also gain something...
Labels: Feelings, Kaylen, Personal

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 6/02/2009 10:00:00 PM

~What is my role?~

Everything u also answer dunno...
Nw...
I also dunno..

Wat is my role 2 u?
Wat am i 2 u?
Labels: Personal

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 6/02/2009 08:23:00 PM

01 June 2009
~Ups & Downs~

Tis shall be a short post...

Today(Sunday) there were many ups & downs...
To many to write down...
& dun really wanna write down...

Cos over all...
I shall onli say...

It was nt a gd day...

Dun think i will hv a gd sleep tonite...
Dun ask...
Below is jus a hint of 1 of the things that happened...

P.S
Sry... lao po... For pissing u off...
Labels: Feelings, Kaylen, Personal, thinking

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 6/01/2009 12:33:00 AM

25 May 2009
~feeling v 幸福... even though feeling v sick...~

Was feeling unwell on fri nite...
When attending a project dinner...

Sat when to work...
Temperature was ard 37.0°C...

Felt like crap...
Thus leave work half day...
Plan to continue on sunday....

Dear came to my hse to look after me...
was nt expecting her to come...
so it was a pleasant surprise for me...

Was feeling bad cos dun hv the energy to send her back hm...
Tis was the 1st tat i nv send her back hm...

Woke up on sunday...
Still felt OK...
Took my temperature...
& it was a freaking 38.0°C...

Thus gv up the tot on going to work...
& went straight to NUH A&E...

Was given 2 days of MC...
Given medication for normal fever...
Guess i'm nt class as possible swine flu...
Cos they nv use the test kit on me...

Return hm to sleep again...
Dear came and look after me again...
Even bought lunch for me...
Ahh... so touch...
*yaya... giggle away... i know ur reading this...*

She was like my "private nurse"...
Keep on reminding me to take med...

Was feeling bad again cos nv send her back hm again...
Tis was the 2nd tat i nv send her back hm...

Hope i get well fast...

Oh ya...
My mother disturb me & dear...
Cos today market close for washing down...
Thus no food to eat...
Mother hinted dear to cook...
Hehe...

But ltr mother commented she jus making fun...

Today feeling a lot better other then the stupid sore throat...
Feel like going to see COE cars...
If really like will jus get it...

*COE cars = mean cars above 10yrs old... literally jus paying the COE value + transfer of ownership + insurance for car*

Aiming for below 10K...
Which means left ard 3yrs of COE which means car is abt 16~17yrs old...

No pt getting a new car as i'm working in a shipyard...
Will damage the paint & etc...

Gtg...
Logging off...
Labels: Car, Feelings, Kaylen, Personal, Sick, thinking

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 5/25/2009 08:57:00 AM

18 May 2009
~Everything In Motion~

Nt blogging that much...
Cos nthing to rant abt...
Which is a gd thing...

Plus busy with work...
& spending time wif someone special...
*u know who u are*

I still hv nt achieved alot of stuffs...
Bt all of them are set in motion...

1.Education
NTU applied,
Accepted,
Medical check up done...
Jus hv to wait...

2.Car
Still in progress...
Hope my fren,
K get a gd price for me...

3.Career
Sound off gonna further studies...
Manager recommend to HR for something...

Notice i hv been send to alot of courses lately...
Notice manager start to ask alot of things abt my opinion...

Hmm...
Is it a sign???

4.Family
Everything peaceful for nw...
Gt encourage for furthering my studies...

Took sometime to make them understand y i wanna gt a car...

Mother nearly wanted to sponsor abit...
Bt rejected the offer...

I really thank her the offer...
Bt she has already support me for so many years...

Nw is the time for me to lighten her burden...
Let me handle it myself...

5.Relationship
With someone who...
always by my side bt nv noticed...
always there to lend me a ear...
always there to encourage me...
always there to "pull me out of the pit"...
know me a very long time...
found me even after loss contact for many years...
always understand me...

Only knew tat she was impt to me after things start happening to her...
then...
Became v close unknowingly and comfortably...

Oh ya!
Gotta thank 草莓仪...
Fot the push...
LOL...

Nw i shall be the 1 protecting her smile...
Hope i can do a gd job...

Gotta be the idiot tat makes her happy...
Labels: Degree, Driving, Family, Feelings, Peace, Personal, Yard

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 5/18/2009 11:26:00 PM

01 May 2009
~Holding the very first hands i had hold 15yrs ago...~

Hehe...
As the title says...

Basically...
I dun remember much memories from my pri school days...

But after dear came into my life...
Memories start resurfacing...

Well my dear is actually my pri school classmate...
And she was quite short...
Thus she was always at the front when the class line up...

I remember on 1 occasion...
I think i did something wrong...
Thus was force to stand in the front...

Still remember i was force to hold her hands...
After the class reached the next destination...
i escape back into the middle of the line up...

Haha...
Destiny or 月老 playing games?
Labels: Enjoy, Personal, thinking

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 5/01/2009 10:04:00 AM

26 April 2009
~Happy!!!~

Gt a letter from NTU...
Gt a place...
Woo Hoo!!!

Nw gonna handle the *complicated* paperwork to cfm the seat...

Today gt a crazy tot of watching 2 movies...
Cos weather 2 hot to do outdoor activity...

252 was gd...
Mayb 2 gd...
Until Taken seems abit sianz...

Nw feel so much better...
Cos finally gt the NTU seat..

Plus...
No longer feeling something is missing liao...
hehe...
Labels: Degree, Enjoy, Frens, Personal

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 4/26/2009 11:20:00 PM

14 April 2009
~1st quarter of 2009 review~

Basically jus a small summary of my life as of nw...

Career
Although gt piss off by ppls...

Bt get a lot of respect from seniors...
And praise from owner side...

Studies
Although i dun have money to study full time...
I hv applied part time...
Still waiting for result...
Should nt be much of a problem...

Family
Although nt earning a lot...
At least i'm nt taking money from mother...
And still giving her monthly allowance...

Even gv extra when CNY and bonus came out...

Mother smile till can onli see her teeth & nt her eye...
Guess i met her target/expectation in career

Self
May gt a car to drive...
The kind which is abt 17~18 yrs old car...
With onli 2~3yrs left...

If i gt the NTU place...

Nt becos i gt money...
Bt becos of time constraint...

From yard to NTU...

Frens
Found real frens...
Frens tat were ard when i nd them...
Frens tat "tahan" my weird behaviors at times...
Thanks guys...

So far...
I'm contented with wat i have achieve so far...

Yet...
I feel there is something missing...
Labels: 2009, Degree, Family, Feelings, Frens, Personal, thinking, Yard

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 4/14/2009 09:35:00 PM

11 March 2009
~爱就宅一起~

Was watching tis show...
Saw something v interesting...

"太快来的好运，
就像过期的牛奶一样，
要喝下去才知道。"

basically it mean,

Good luck that comes too fast,
is like milk that has expired,
you need to drink it in order to know.

Sharing it with my frens...
Labels: Frens, Personal, 爱就宅一起

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 3/11/2009 10:54:00 PM

04 February 2009
~No Feel~

As of nw...
Duno y i feel nthing...

Nt sleepy but nt alert...
Nt energetic but nt lethargic...
Nt angry bt nt calm...
Nt happy bt nt sad...

Mind is totally blank...

Anyway decided to post sumthing tat i kept for a long time...

Anyway...
Ending my post...

Dun ever promise anything if u:
1)hv no intention of keeping it...
2)do nt know if u can keep it or nt...
3)jus 2 make the opposite party happy or assured...

Breaking a promise is worse then nt making 1...
Gd nitezzz...
Labels: Feelings, Personal

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 2/04/2009 10:41:00 PM

03 February 2009
~Dizzy Days~

Hmm...
Somehw...
I always hv dizzy spells...
Whenever a project is in "high peak season"...
Mayb becos of nt enough sleep...

And i really mean uninterrupted sleep...
Bt i know its impossible...

Wat to do...
I hv a active brain...
I think of ideas every minute...

Sounds crazy???

Well...
Thats hw i can manage to react to situation fast enough...

Like hw i can anyhw link topics, joke or watever...
when in a group...

Or deal with complaints or demands from owners...

Well like everything else...
There will always be pros and cons...

Cons are...
Sometime i think too much...
Or i look into a situation too seriously...

For tat...
I counter it wif my "Lay Back" attitude...
Whenever there is no nd to be serious...

Thus...
Always labeled as "Childish" or "Happy-Go-Lucky"...

Anyway...
Fin watching...

Titled: クロサギ/The Black Swindler/Kurosagi
*For detail of the show jus click the link*

Mayb will catch the movie version...

Nw i wanna intro a game...
Becos of the story...
Its know as...

Titled: Kingdom Hearts
*For details jus click the link*

Love the story...
Love the game play...
Love the in game music...
*by Utatda Hikaru*

For ppl who may hv gaming platforms that hv tis game...
Go try it...

For ppl who dun...
Mayb u can watch it in youtube or something...
LOL...

Nw gonna rest up for 2molo...
Labels: Feelings, Movie, Music, Personal, PS2, Tired, Yard

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 2/03/2009 08:17:00 PM

27 January 2009
~Sian!!! (a.k.a Bored!!! in proper English)~

as stated in the title...
is wat i'm feeling nw...

Y?

Firstly...
For chinese, the 1st day of CNY...
U will gather with relatives of ur paternal side...

On the 2nd day...
U will gather with relatives of ur maternal side...

Some will visit both side on the first day...
and visit frens on the 2nd...

For me...
From a single parent family...
*Frens will know y...
Lazy to elaborate...
Anyway I'm wif my mother...*

Sumhw the relatives come on the 1st day afternoon...

Thus today the 2nd day...
No one came...
I'm super damn bored...

Wanted to go out...
Gt nowhere i wan to go...
& cannt find any1 due to the festive season...

Even my sis went to visit the bf's family...

Secondly...
2molo hv to start work...
Even though i know nth much can be done...
As most of the ppl working in the yard are nt from sg...
Thus there will a lack of manpower...
From workers...
All the way up to maybe SGM... (Senior General Manager)

Anyway...
Spent my day watching a jap drama...

Titled: クロサギ/The Black Swindler/Kurosagi
*For detail of the show jus click the link*

Intro by frens...
Cos they know i like this kind of shows...
Shows that is abt using wits and brain...
e.g Deathnote, Kindaichi, Code Geass, Liar Game & etc...

Aft watching up to Ep6...
I feel tat...
The main character is sad...
The reason of y he is doing all those things...
The reason of y he is actually alone...
The reason of y he feels that there is nth important 2 him anymore...
Yet he is a gentle, warm and kind heart person inside...

Or is it becos i see abit of myself in him???
tat reminds me of the sadness inside me???

I dun know...

Alot of things happen to me recently...
Tat change me alot...

I jus feel tat...
I dun trust things, ppl & ect...
Like b4...
*Nt becos of the show...*
Mayb cos I dun wan to be hurt anymore...

Suddenly i remembered a saying in a show:
"Use ur kindness to overcome ur sadness and become stronger..."

Haha...
I think the show triggered the emotional side of me...

Bt i will finish watching it...
Its nt like me 2 leave thing done half way...

If i work on sumthing...
I will do 2 my best...
If nt i wun even pick it up...

Doing things halfheartedly...
Will nt only harm urself...
Bt also the ppl ard & the ppl who help pick up the pieces...

I think tis post is too long...
Better stop nw...

Happy CNY!!!
Labels: CNY, Feelings, Personal, thinking, Yard

~ I've Suffocated Myself At;
x 1/27/2009 08:57:00 PM

...Heart Attack